A Day In The Life - Andrew Davies (MISTC)
IJTC Editor's Note: This is my boss at Dstny, who's threatened me with either:
- doing a full course on ITIL v4 via LinkedIn Learning -or-
- making me listen to his entire Rush back catalogue - with full feedback, so he's knows I've been listening to it!
... if I didn't post this Day In The Life. My apologies 😄
I wake at 06:43 precisely because that's when the local crows have decided it is the best time to peck at the skylight.
06:44 to 06:59
Lie in bed contemplating the soul sucking void that modern middle management, cloud based unstructured data platforms, and cat herding have conspired to foist upon us.
07:00
Alarm goes off. Let out a sob. Time for my annual press-up.
07:01 to 07:15
Lie on floor whimpering. Decide to call this my meditation and visualisation session. Visualise being a much younger, slimmer person who decided on a career in holistic medicine instead.
08:00
Decide what to wear; important to cultivate an aura that inspires respect and wisdom. Realise that no amount of t-shirt will achieve that and dress like a cowboy instead.
08:10
Intend to spend half an hour doing my affirmations and yoga. Affirm that I will not swear as much today and manage to do bootlaces up without dislocating anything. Success.
08:40
Ponder what it would be like to become an infamous con artist.
Realise I'm late already. Race out of the apartment leaving coffee #1 to go cold.
08:55
Arrive at office. Glare at kettle until it boils.
09:01
Coffee #2 is poured into a mug labelled “WORLD’S MOST ADEQUATE MANAGER.”
The coffee itself is catastrophic. I drink some of it anyway while staring out the window. Scream internally and open work laptop.
09:03
Laptop says it will reboot in 5 minutes due to mandatory update. Sven has already messaged me to ask if I'm free for a quick call. I'm not but maybe the reboot will hit him too and he'll leave me alone?
09:15
Breakfast consists of two hard boiled eggs, black pepper, and a conversation with a suspicious co-worker perched on the chair opposite. The guy appears to know classified information about maritime insurance fraud. Make a mental note to learn more.
09:25
Coffee #2 has gone cold and somehow a bit gritty. Make another cup.
By 09:30 I am deep in a furious argument with a small electronic device housed inside a repurposed biscuit tin.
It insists that the local atmospheric pressure is “NULL.” I threaten to demote it to decorative paperweight status. Miraculously, it begins working. This will be my only sense of achievement for the day.
09:45
I write three pages of technical documentation before breakfast digestion has completed. Nobody reads the documents properly, but entire telecommunications infrastructures depend upon them in ways nobody fully understands.
Somewhere, in a fluorescent-lit office in Brussels, a middle manager experiences existential dread without knowing why. I have just updated a six-years-out-of-date compliance table.
11:00
Continue to dodge Sven. Now Gerrit wants to have a quick chat. Remember that I have a team meeting, and worse yet, a team.
11:02
Join team meeting. Showing up late is a strong power move.
11:03
I am a great believer in the one minute meeting methodology. Each person on the team has one minute to give an update in a round table format, so that any issues or blockers can be tackled without holding up other people.
11:04 to midday
Ritual humiliation. Which one of them is plotting against me? All of them. They gang up on me. I consider retaliation by micromanagement but the thought of the excess paperwork makes me ill. I hate paperwork.
Lunchtime is spent in silent contemplation over a bowl of warm hummus and a mug of cold coffee. I listen to Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers whilst calibrating a homemade radiation detector built from an icing gun, scrap Arduino nano, a lunch tin, and hope.
Sven and Gerrit are joined by Chris in their attempts to "just" have a quick word with me.
At approximately 14:30 I accidentally discover a minor law of physics.
This happens often.
Today’s discovery involves humidity, radio propagation, and the emotional state of old Confluence documents.
Afternoon.
13:00
I attend a meeting. Nobody else in the meeting understands why I keep asking: “Are we suffering from delusions of adequacy here?” in response to deployment timelines.
I wrap up the meeting by saying we'll have the same discussion again tomorrow for those who weren't paying attention.
14:30
I reject a proposed process change because I feel it “lacks seamanship and a sense of fair play.”
No further explanation is provided.
15:00-16:00
Cross-functional Intradepartmental synergistic design and architecture guild forum meeting. Everyone sends their note taker bots in lieu of attending. The bots chatter amongst themselves whilst I try and stick to the agenda.
Sven keeps ringing me despite failing to attend said super-meeting.
17:00
Home time. Give Sven a quick ring but he's gone already. Oh well, how sad, never mind.
Night falls.
I eat toast and chili con carne for supper, then attempt to write one paragraph of an unfinished novel about haunted sailors who navigate by interpretive dance.
Spend some time just staring into space.
23:00
One last night coffee before bed.
I check the atmospheric pressure one last time, and drift off to sleep.